Following God gets hard here:
when He asks you to let go of one you hold so dear
and He doesn't tell you when you get to have that person back

Who Am I?

Who am i
And why did you choose me?
Such a wretch I was
Such a wretch I am
And still you want me?
That is confusing
And so unworldly
Who am i
And why do you love me?
Nothing I have done
Deserves what you give
Nothing I will do
Deserves anything you have to offer me
Who am i
And how do I know
Who I am supposed to be?
How do I know what is me
And what is satan working in me?
How do I know what is me
And what is others in me?
How do I know what is me
And how do I know for sure?
Finding me is daunting
Finding me is hard
Finding me is what I want
And finding me is where I need the most help

bring revival here
to Your people
with hands lifted high
we cry
you surpass all we know
you're divine
bring renewal
to your weary people
for without you
we disappear for
we are nothing
without you
without your love
we have no meaning.
without your grace
we have no hope.
we ask to be truly desperate
for the only one who gives us life
we were made to bless you
you are the object of our worship
our praise sits at your feet
as an offering
our bodies lay limp
waiting for your life-giving breath
we long for your breath of life
we are desperate
to see our King
our Savior, our ABBA

thinking... a lot

you know what else makes me think:
whenever i find something. that something that someone does to me that i really just hate. and then i realize i do the same thing to people i love. and it probably ticks them off the same way it ticks me off when someone does it to me. makes me want to scream until i realize i am no different. i am no exception. i too am at fault. i too am not perfect. it really drives you to change. to want to be changed. to surrender to the only one who can permanently change me. to make a concious effort to never do it again.

i really don't like those times when you realize something you don't like about yourself and you don't know how you can change for the better.
but i love it when the person who makes you realize those things you want to change is also the person who makes you want to be better, makes you want to get ahold of yourself and be a better you.
i love it when they reassure you that it is ok. that they are here for you no matter how long it takes for you to work through it.
i love knowing that the person that knows me the best and could point out all the flaws i can't see: they love me anyways.
and what's even more comforting than that. what i love knowing more than that.
i've got a heavenly father who loves me even more.
dude that SOOO blows my mind

please don't expect me to be perfect