4.17.2009

Expectant

Be expectant. I can count on two hands the times I have been truly expectant and looking for where God was moving. Most of those instances were summer and winter camps with my youth group where I expected God to move and it was just a matter of waiting for whenever he decided to show himself.
Recently though, God has really been teaching me to live every day expectant of what he has in store: to be expectant during the mundane, day-to-day happenings in my life along with those times when I can see him everywhere.

I thought I had my life at least a little bit figured out. I thought I knew what career I wanted to pursue and the kind of person I wanted to be when I grew up, how many kids I wanted to have and at times, even, who I was going to marry. This past year has been a year of transition and a year of planning as I left high school life and moved up to college life. It was a year of looking toward the future and it seemed that by the time I entered college, I had to have everything figured out. I knew in my head that I had a few years to decide my major and what I would do after college but it seemed that if I didn’t have it figured out now that I would be wasting a bunch of time in college. I was so uptight about trying to figure out my life and my future.

God began to break me of that this past semester. It was a long and hard process with a lot of crying, questioning and searching, but oh am I better because of it! God completely rocked my world and turned it upside down over these past few months. He showed me that I don’t need to have my life planned out and He knew I wasn’t going to be the only one to struggle with worrying about my future.

In Matthew 6:34 He says “do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” I honestly took that verse as “don’t worry about tomorrow,” but it honestly never hit me until recently that I wasn’t supposed to worry about the future as a whole or try and plan for the future. I tried that and it took a lot of brokenness to get my heart back to a place where I was looking to God for my future plans. I really love how Matthew 6:34 reads in The Message.
"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”
Give your ENTIRE attention to what God is doing RIGHT NOW, not what he was doing yesterday, not what you think he is going to do ten years down the road or even two days down the road. When our entire focus is on God in this moment, He can move in mighty ways. Our world has perverted the way we think and programmed us to look to the future as the only exciting thing, the only thing worth looking forward too. God has showed me that the here and now is exciting too, that he has so much to show me and those around me right now if we would just open our eyes and be intent on keeping our gaze on him each moment, through the mundane and the extra exciting.

Train yourself to give your full attention to God but also, don’t settle for what our little minds can conjure up for our future. God has plans in mind for you that are so much bigger than you could ever dream. We often settle for our plans and ask God to bless those plans when Proverbs 16:3 says to “commit your WORK to the Lord and your PLANS will be established.” Too often we find ourselves reversing that verse: we commit all of our plans to him and then ask him to bless them. What we should be doing is committing everything we do to the Lord so that He can have full range to establish the plans for our life because we know that those plans will be the best for us. Our all-knowing God wants to bless us. We just have to learn to let him.

Be EXPECTANT of what God is going to do in your life. Keep your eyes pealed for signs of Him. Expect him to show up in those parts of your life that you see as mundane and ordinary. When you are expectant of God, He is going to show up: he rewards those who earnestly seek Him (Hebrews 11:6). Search after God in earnest. Let him guide you. Let him guide your future. Let him be your God. Be expectant of what He has in store. www.wordle.net

4.13.2009

Unexpected Blessings

HOLY MOLY! God is so amazing. I love it when you get blessings from Him that you completely don’t expect. I had been praying, but not necessarily for this specific thing. I had been praying more general prayers and had honestly slacked off this past week with those prayers. I went to church on Saturday night for the Easter service and was just planning on going back on Sunday to see people and then just go get some homework done. It was going to be a Sunday like any other. First off though, the service Saturday night was actually really good which I haven’t felt a long time while I was at home. I had the blessing of seeing a lot of friends that I don’t normally get to see and just had some really encouraging conversations with people. Sunday started just like any other Sunday except this one began with a headache and an iffy stomach. A couple texts from a friend completely turned my day upside down… in a good way! The best part was that they were completely unexpected but a blatant answer to prayer. Instead of seeing a lot of friends and getting homework done, I got the chance to hang out with an old friend and talk of life and our struggles, our victories and our battles, where we had been and where we were at. I got to delve into the word and just get excited about what God was teaching both of us. This complete surprise blessing from God swept me off of my feet and left me more in awe than before. Our God is so amazing! My Abba rocks my world! He has gotten me through some tough times this year and I am forever thankful! He has a bigger plan that he chooses to reveal to me in only snippets which is aggravating sometimes as I look back and wonder why I had to go through all of that to get to this place. But I like this place. I love falling in love with God all over again. I am content with where I am at but ever so eager to move forward into a deeper place with my Abba. I cannot wait to see where he leads this next month and then on into the summer. It has been a week filled with unexpected blessings and surprises and I am just here to say that our God has RISEN. He has conquered the grave and He is my Savior! I am here to live for Him and follow Him wherever He may lead! The future is uncertain but I am ready for the journey.

3.08.2009

Surrender daily.
this idea is becoming more and more real to me every day. As each new day is covered in mystery.
i am looking forward to it. i am expectant but not over zealous. i am waiting.
i am savoring every moment. catching up on friendships i have let fade.
growing closer to my Savior and learning more about myself.
i am learning not to fear the unknown.
i am learning to be still.
i am learning to trust wholeheartedly.
i am learning to hand over all my dreams to the one who has the whole picture in mind.
i am learning to take things one day at a time.
i am learning to not worry.
i am learning to walk in Him
to be purposeful
to be loving
to be a light.
i am expectant
i am open

9.06.2008

Following God gets hard here:
when He asks you to let go of one you hold so dear
and He doesn't tell you when you get to have that person back

8.24.2008

Who Am I?

Who am i
And why did you choose me?
Such a wretch I was
Such a wretch I am
And still you want me?
That is confusing
And so unworldly
Who am i
And why do you love me?
Nothing I have done
Deserves what you give
Nothing I will do
Deserves anything you have to offer me
Who am i
And how do I know
Who I am supposed to be?
How do I know what is me
And what is satan working in me?
How do I know what is me
And what is others in me?
How do I know what is me
And how do I know for sure?
Finding me is daunting
Finding me is hard
Finding me is what I want
And finding me is where I need the most help

5.12.2008

bring revival here
to Your people
with hands lifted high
we cry
you surpass all we know
you're divine
bring renewal
to your weary people
for without you
we disappear for
we are nothing
without you
without your love
we have no meaning.
without your grace
we have no hope.
we ask to be truly desperate
for the only one who gives us life
we were made to bless you
you are the object of our worship
our praise sits at your feet
as an offering
our bodies lay limp
waiting for your life-giving breath
we long for your breath of life
we are desperate
to see our King
our Savior, our ABBA

2.24.2008

thinking... a lot

you know what else makes me think:
whenever i find something. that something that someone does to me that i really just hate. and then i realize i do the same thing to people i love. and it probably ticks them off the same way it ticks me off when someone does it to me. makes me want to scream until i realize i am no different. i am no exception. i too am at fault. i too am not perfect. it really drives you to change. to want to be changed. to surrender to the only one who can permanently change me. to make a concious effort to never do it again.